there's a place & time for everything..

apparently i logged using the macbook and it keeps prompting me that Im logged in from another source and the minute i re-logged myself in, nothing seemed to work and the cycle repeats all over. mad frustrating! 

therefore now as Im typing furiously on iphone5 which miraculously allowed me to fulfil the urge, the need and a sense of urgency - which was an hour ago! 

Im no longer in the mood to blog whatever thats in me as once again, other social media platform has robbed me of my privacy to clear my sanity. it is indeed one of the bluest monday ever. 

hopeful to do this another day. twitter has served me quite well but recently the feeling it has given me signals for a change. 

eternally yours .... tim ellis

I gotta tell you I think its time that we got it straight now
Since I had your love, I dont crave for no other baby
I feel such emotion I cant keep it to myself no more now
You can lock my heart like nobody else can baby
Once in a lifetime you might find heaven on earth and I promise you paradise

Forever whatever they may decide
Forever whatever I'll stand by your side
For worse & for better I'll be the one whose always there
And we'll be together forever whatever may come

I gotta mention I think its time that you understand now
I live for your touch & your loving completes me baby
I feel so much passion I think of you every night & day now
You're where I belong, yea Im yours for all time baby
Once in a lifetime you might find heaven on earth and I promise you paradise

Forever Im never gonna let you go
Im never gonna lose you baby
Im never gonna break your heart
Im always gonna love you baby
Once in a lifetime you might find heaven on earth and I promise you paradise

a weekend..

Not entirely sure how to compose this post or to actually pen my thoughts down in sequence or as how my memory would serve me.

The disturbance emotions is unbearable as it is difficult to ignore it or pretending that it doesnt exist. Not being able to confide confidently leads me to this particular platform whereby it is my one and only source or rather a last resort. Things changed as time passes by but changes that I am unable to grasp as it slips by me slowly. It is unfortunate definitely as this is how the universe works somehow.

Happy times. Indeed those were the moments one could always cherished and hold on to. But then reality tends to kick in eventually and managed to caught up somehow, forcing one to face it whether or not one is prepared for it. All this while (not for long), I have been living by this "for as long as I am happy, I dont care what you think of me or how I should behave around you to be accepted into society". But things took a different course and people around me are implicated in ways that I couldn't have imagined or even foresee the actual damage that I am going to cause eventually. I just wanna be happy but not at other people's expense. This has bogged me down involuntarily and just zapped whatever happy mood I am in or believe in anymore. Why cant it not be simpler, less complicated?  Did I make the wrong choice or this was not supposed to happen in the first place at all.

At the end of the day, it boils down to one thing, I bloody hell want to be taken care of. Apparently pretty exhausted in taking care of others, worrying which ends up in a sad state where all has to come to a stop no matter what. Just want to be cherished, appreciated and needed. And all there's left now is one messed up bitch who can't even decide what she wants for herself. If only things were to take its course slowly and allowing me to figure things out properly; rationally. This is way intensed and much more than I have bargained for apparently. The requirements are pretty standard and minimal but as always, it backfired; much below par.

A colleague once asked this question over lunch the other day. Quite general in fact but only towards the female population, rather the few of us on that table. Here goes.

Would you rather choose a guy who gives you hearts and flowers but poor or the other who is filthy rich but rather old of age. Without hesitation, my answer is pretty obvious apparently and then came the logic behind it all. He then explained that girls of my age (those born in late 80s, early 90s) tend to fall head first despite all. For the other category whereby those born early 80s and before, are much more realistic as they need to be finacial stable regardless whether the guy loves her unconditionally. So long as she got what he wants from him, everything else can be overlooked. I tried arguing my way through it but in the end, what he said does really makes sense and it had me pondering all over again whether is this what I really want afterall. It tend to stucked in me somehow and unfortunately couldnt shake it off no matter what. Now I understand fully why certain girls tend to be materialistic in a way. It isnt their fault for being this way but rather a security blanket in their best interest. Selfish it may sound but that's reality and it is as cruel as ever. What you see on the idiot box doesnt make one's fairy tale come true or in other words, there isnt happily ever after.

May not have the answer to the current situation but the almighty He is able to shed some light on it. For I have sinned too much, I accept humbly to what he has for me coming.

plenty to look forward to..

to start of with October, here's a lil something to perk things up..

happy october people..

p/s: its pinktober too.. dont forget to get your BSE (breast self-examination)

home.. it feels home all over..

Well..well..

Guess there's no need for introduction here.

It just feel absolutely great to be back here. A space where once it is filled with all that's in me and it will always be.

With NuffnangX recently launched as an app not too long back, I could not have imagine myself typing out this particular blog post. The urge to just regained its momentum, slowly. Day by day, where technology is vastly evolving, one could HARDLY survived without a smart phone nowadays. Being a typical type of person, the keyboard of my MacBook serves me well, hence here I am.

There's so much that needs to be said here, but given that there's too much of it, it is practically all jumbled up screaming in my head, wanting to seek attention in every single way in this particular post. I just couldn't bear keeping it in me; trying to deny it, stow it away, ignore it or just not thinking about it. My personal opinion, you just don't need to explain to anyone what you feel or how you think of something for being afraid of being judged, but that's not where I'm heading to. It's to where it should be channel to, and recently, I found out the hard truth, even though, I would not want to admit that it is really happening as I type.

For once, I really want to be proven wrong, that for once, I'm thinking too much about it. There's too much that I had lost in the past, picking up the pieces as I head along, but this, I have NEVER ever see it coming. It is like a hit-and-run with no warning whats-so-ever. Where it is coming from, I had no idea but it is like a freight train where I'm being hit hard, so hard, that I dont want to wake up to face what's hitting me or how did it happened in the first place. Because I know once I do, there is no turning back. Now there's something you should know, I would avoid all possible confrontation (unless necessary!) despite of any given situation (unless it forced me to, then I had no choice). Well, as a matter of fact, I did and it was smugly answered and by assuming those answers, it didnt make me feel better but worst of. Defence mechanism put to test whereby I merely shrugged it off and knowing perfectly well it will come about to haunt me once more one fine day. So true, that I really want it to go away, all to go away. Just like that with a snap of a finger.

Take what you must but not this. Not ever. It is my pillar of strength for all these years and more.

it takes [two] to tango

Been there, done that. What else is there to it?
Lost. Entirely.

sane. insane?

How do one define one's relationship?

A boy + a girl = Relationship?

Nothing is definite. Things change, people change as well. Nothing is forever. How sad but very true! It all boils down to trust, honesty and tolerance. A challenge from Him whom I seek guidance from to light my way. This is much challenging than what I've been through 5 years ago. Nothing comes easy without effort. Endurance.

That's all.

11th month of year 2010

NOVEMBER.

Long story short, this post will be in point form.

• Health deteriotated. Twice sick, 3 medical leaves and 4 times of visit to the doctors. How worst can that be? Wait for it. That's not even the peak yet. Bed-ridden with fever for 3 days. For my 22 years of life, I've NEVER been so sick ever. Guess the job has taken a toll on my body and sad to say, it is prone to illnesses from now on if preventive measures isn't taken accordingly. 

• Ups & downs at work. My first job; its a whole new experience and a learning ground for me. Come what may, Im just playing my part. Even it wasnt for the department that I was supposed to be working for, at least Im employed. Obviously one has to be open-minded in this area. Afterall, its not the end of the day. 

• I got my first pay! =)

• Managed to celebrate birthdays. Mum's, Louis's & also his mum too. 

 

 

 

 

Louis's cupcakes!

•  Most importantly, cant wait to head home. Home sweet home. Bad news is, gotta spend CNY 2011 in Singapore. My 1st NOT able to be with family & friends. *sobs*

• Last but not least, everytime I say this, its gonna end up the other way round. Christmas is my favourite holiday season of the year, & Im always looking forward to it. So Im seriously refraining myself from saying it out loud BUT I just couldnt contain those excitement whenever I see those beautiful lighted Christmas tress all over the island. *faints*

Tiffany & Co.'s from Sparklette

1.2.3

That's the number for this post.

Initially, I promised to post up my scraps, but as usual, excuses which leads to procrastination.
Yada yada. What's new.

Its been a month since I've started working now. Difficult in the first place. But regaining momentum as time passes by. And quickly I should say. There's been lots of ups & downs obviously. Its all up to how one make used of the day regardless. As of for now, Im looking forward to CNY 2011 this time round. Home is where the heart is.

That's all for now.