an early 'farewell'..

Life is a bitch!!

TOTALLY!

Piff! Im totally furious, plus humiliation. Never in my entire life that I've been humiliated this way. NEVER! This is way too much! Seriously. What have I done to deserve this? Now that Im saying my prayers, and He started punishing me already? Gosh! I cant believe that I just said that. Please forgive me. I didn't mean to. =(

Yes, I understand that in my prayer, there's this line that goes "..and I forgive what others has done unto me...", but I tried my best to surpress my anger. I have an issue for lashing out at people when I tend to be angry, in which I did my best not to (note that I keep repeating I tried my best). Maybe I didn't. Or maybe I did. I don't know. You tell me? After all the hard work and everything, at the end of the day, I was unappreciated in which I was stripped OFF my title unoffcially!! Mark my word, UNOFFICIALLY! You barged in and just say what you want and leave us to fend for ourselves? Is that it? Well, that was so unprofessional of you. I tried my very best to be pleasant with you, not kissing your ass at least, but by giving you the respect you deserve as you're the newcomer!

You have totally NO respect for my feelings and for someone who had been in this porsition for 3 semesters! Try not to be that harsh alright? People do have feelings, and I certainly do. Wait! Probably you don't have, right? Which is why you speak the way you like it without thinking about the consequences it may cause to other people. Having to hide the unpleasant, raging feelings of mine isn't easy as people notice easily and Im not good at hiding. NOT AT ALL!

It's not about the position or anything, rather it's the emotional feelings that you put me through the entire conversation we had. More to dignity and pride! You totally don't give me face! Fcuk!

*takes a deep breath* You're such a horrible human being. There!

even the littlest thing makes my day =)

Just the other day, I had this coversation with Mui Fan, a nice young lady, who works at the Dept. Of Studdent Affairs (DSA) while I was there to submit my testimonial application. It was the cross that I wore which caught her attention enough to engrosses her, but I was also guilty at the same time as I'm neglecting Him all the time now. =( I know, I should spent more time talking to Him. Mark my words, I will from now on.

It's clear enough that whoevers who bears the cross around their neck would be a true Christian but some isn't but I was in between. Probably there's no such thing as half-Christian, but that is what I categorize myself in. It's pretty simple actually, though I find it the opposite way. Ever since seondary (cant remember when exactly in age), He was the one that I believe in. Eventually, a good friend of mine, Pei Ling, who had just converted, was there to guide me through into a deeper motion. She was just great having to get me started into all the Christianity teachings by giving me notes and the greatest of all, a Bible for my 17th birthday present! I was totally speechless, as I didn't had a proper Bible as I constantly borrowed Bible from friends which somehow got to her knowledge! That was totally so kind of her, mind you, it's NOT cheap. Ever since then, the Bible has guided me through so much and a better understanding definitely.

That was how it all began as I began to reminiscence about it while still having the conversation with Mui Fan. Other than Pei Ling, now I can finally know that there is a friend whom I can relate Christianity to. Having to say this now, I believe I should always talk to Him and not only when I needed His help. I know He's always there for me ever since that particular year where my whole life came crashing down, in which I got no one to turn to except Him. HIS presence was able to calm and comfort me in which enbales me to get through my sleepless nights while away from home, where I couldn't share this with anyone on the restrain of communication. HE was all I had at that particular moment. Thank you Jesus. Im always grateful to you ever since the day that I decided to believe in You. =) My life has never got better. You thought me how to be patient by leading me to a right path day by day.

Yes! I still cant call myself a Christian yet. The day has yet to come for me. Im not sure when either but definitely not now. I had to wait for that ONE DAY.


Edit: Oopsie, I left out Matthew whom I know from work at my mum's place. He was also another great friend who not only share his experience but how to get to know God better! We had lost contact ever since but I really hope we do get together in the future as I do miss those days at work with the other colleagues. =)

the coast is clear

I'm tired and bored. Moreover, there goes my assginments piling up from this month onwards at the corner of my working table. Double assingments, mind you, for 2 subjects. And also an event to work out. Sigh. I'm not going to rant about how stress up with my workloads, but rather just to my mind off it. It's better that way.

Oh yeah, finally I did my x-ray scan (yes, FINALLY!) where Mum was the one who suggested that I really should see the doctor without much delay anymore as my cough was quite serious at the moment for the past 5 months perhaps? It should have got better after this first visit but it initially didn't make any progress. Mum was worried that it might be something else so, an x-ray was to the safe side. I should've done this earlier, right? Well, as usual, I was being nonchalant from time to time hoping that it will get better soon but things didn't look that positive.

Good news! It was normal. No white patches or infections or such other dangerous illness. Doctor ruled out that it might be allergy but not specifically what kind of allergy! Odd. For the time being, I'm on medication hoping to improve my health but it makes me feel drowsy even though I leave the cough mixture out. Plus, I'm travelling to and fro which makes it even dangerous for me to be driving under the influece of drugs but at the same time I had to take it. Damn! Probably I'll try to sort things out, and definitely I'm not taking any day off. Workloads.